Well that's interesting, Don. I'm wondering now which parts of the song are yours. After reading this thread yesterday, I went looking for a song I've heard by an Australian singer, Bernard Bolan - called "The Gnome". There's an MP3 of part of it here but I couldn't find the words anywhere, although I may be able to get them later.

Meanwhile during my search, I found your song, or at least a similar version of it - and a less complete version too, it seems. However, the writer of the song was not mentioned. Before I had a chance to post it, the Mudcat went down. I ended up posting it on the Annexe a few hours ago (in the thread called "No Mudcat, so I went googling"). Here's the version I found.


THE GNOME SONG

I'm sittin' in the Garden in me little Noddy suit,
Sparrow on me fishin' rod, and Frog-spawn in me boot.
It's pissin' down with rain, - I've got water on the brain.
I'm sittin' by the pond like King Canute.

The kids have knocked me nose off - me beard is gettin' thin.
The way that they all treat me, well it really is a sin.
There's a Pigeon I can see - aimin' straight for me!
The Gardener strikes his matches on my shin.

Chorus:
Once upon a time I was a King upon a throne
Then a wicked fairy came and turned me into stone
And that is why I sit here in the Garden all alone
(spoken:) Not much fun being a Gnome.

I'm sittin' here a fishin' but the fishes never bite.
Anyway, it's been so long I've lost my appetite.
It really is a shame ... that pigeon's back again!
Has anybody got some dynamite?

There's a Doggie comes to see me every evening after tea.
I used to wonder why he was so very fond of me,
And when I found out why - it hit me in the eye:
I wish he'd go and find himself a tree.

Chorus2:
Me ear hole's full of cobwebs, and me doublet doesn't fit.
Sittin' on this toadstool - well I feels a proper twit.
The way that they all treat me - well it makes you want to spit
Not much fun being a Gnome.

First verse repeated (frogspawn in boot), repeat last line.


Jenny