When I learned of the Garden Gnome Liberation Front a few years ago, I said to meself, "Self," says I, "you lived through the 60s, the era of the protest song. Surely you can create an anthem, a rallying cry for this public spirited, humanitarian (gnomitarian?) group!"

And so I did, and here it is:

CAN'T YOU STAND TO LET HIM GO?

All ye gentlemen and ladies
Won't you listen to my song?
It's about our little brothers
Who stand out upon the lawn
Garden Gnomes who stand and shiver in the cold
Pity Gnomes who stand and shiver in the cold.

CHORUS:
....He's the little man who drips there in the rain.
....He's the little man who shivers in the snow.
....He's the little man who swelters in the hot and broiling sun.
....Gents and Ladies, can't you stand to let him go?

Have ye got a heart of iron?
Have ye got a soul of stone?
Have ye not a shred of sympathy
For the Gnome who stands alone?
For the Gnome who herds flamingos 'cross your lawn
Poor old Gnome who herds flamingos 'cross your lawn.

CHORUS:
....He's the little man who drips there in the rain.
....He's the little man who shivers in the snow.
....He's the little man who swelters in the hot and broiling sun.
....Gents and Ladies, can't you stand to let him go?

Well, I call on your humanity,
I call upon your heart
To abolish this vile slavery
Of the little men of art.
Gnomes whose only sin is being made of stone!
They whose only sin is being made of stone!

LAST CHORUS
....He's the little man whose nose drips in the rain
....Turns to icicles, a-standin'in the snow.
....He's the little man who sweats a ton
....Standin' there in the noonday sun
....Gents and ladies, can't you let him go?

If that won't melt a few slaveholders' hearts, I'm flummoxed!

Dave Oesterreich