Sabine, I know so well the overwhelming feeling of being lost that you cannot describe, that you spoke of in your last message. Like you, it is just me and my daughter who are left and although my mother had good friends, we two were the only family at her funeral. It's nearly two months now since my mother died, so we are still in very early stages along the way, but I already recognize the things that Helen has spoken about: seeing something in a shop and thinking,"Oh, that'll be lovely to give mum for her birthday", or, if something has happened at work during the day, thinking "Oh,I can't wait to tell mum about this !" Whenever this happens, there is that drawing of breath and initial feeling of standing in front of a gaping gulf, but then, somehow, along comes a very strong feeling that both she and my father are not very far away at all.

I am sure you will find, as I have, that you and your children will give and receive great strength and love from and to each other. Know, too, that you are not alone, and you have many kindred spirits here on Mudcat, thinking of you.

I have an idea you might be from Germany, Sabine ? Here in England, there are all kinds of formalities and paperwork to do in preparation for a funeral and then for sorting out a person's finances, and no doubt it will be similar for you. That can feel an overwhelming task, too, when you are the sole person responsible - so I will be thinking of you in the days and weeks ahead. I know it's a cliche, but take one step and one day at a time and you WILL get through it. There have been various things I have dreaded (such as going to the Registrar's office to collect my mother's death certificate) but none of them has ever been as bad as I had imagined them to be, and I tell myself that now, when facing another task that has to be done.

The next big task facing me is to sort out my mother's flat and arrange for it to be sold. A valuer is coming there next week to put a value on the contents (furniture, ornaments etc.), that has to be done for tax purposes before her finances can be finally sorted out. We haven't touched anything there yet (apart from throwing away food in the fridge), so it still has the feel that she has "gone away on a short trip" as someone else posted here. It is going to feel very uncomfortable having some stranger poking around there, but I am trusting that, as with previous things I have dreaded, it will be OK.

I think that the reading Helen spoke of, about the ship, is the same as the one I read at my mother's funeral. Here it is:

'I am standing upon the seashore. A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength, and I stand and watch until at least she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come down to mingle with each other. Then someone at my side says: "There she goes !"

Gone where ? Gone from my sight - that it all. She is just as large in mast and hull and spar as she was when she left my side, and just as able to bear her load of living freight to the place of destination. Her diminished size is in me, not in her. And just at the moment when someone at my side says: "There she goes !" there are other eyes watching her coming, and their voices ready to take up the glad shouts: "Here she comes !" '

'A Parable of Immortality' by Henry Van Dyke.

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With much love to you, Sabine
- jeanie