Dear Sabine,

We've probably never met but I feel for you.
I lost my Mum in 2001 and my Dad last year. My Dad never got over my Mum's death and because he was quite a bit older than her he found it very hard to cope. He spent most of last year in hospital, with a few weeks in a nursing home (where he was much happier). After his death the nursing home asked me to pick up his personal belongings and that was probably the point at which both of my parents' deaths really hit home.
I really don't want to give you 'advice' - it's not my place. You will probably find that your grief will go through lots of stages - all perfectly natural (although not always expected). You've probably made a good start by talking about your loss in this forum.
If it helps, one thing that helped me was a folk song - have you heard 'The Unquiet Grave'? A young man sits over the grave of his sweetheart who, "in greenwood she is lain". The song goes on:

"I'll do as much for my sweetheart
As any young man may,
I'll sit and mourn all on her grave
For a twelvemonth and a day.

When the twelvemonth and one day were past
The ghost began to speak
Why sittest thou here all on my grave
And will not let me sleep?"

The young man begs one last kiss from her but the ghost warns him that it would be his last.

My interpretation of this song is that mourning for the dead is perfectly right and proper but, eventually, (the mourner's) life has to go on. I came to an understanding that, in order to honour the memories of the people who gave me life, I had to live the rest of that life as fully and as well as possible.
I also know another person who was deeply affected by this song but I won't give any more details as it feels like betraying a confidence.
Who said that folk songs aren't relevant to today?

Love,
DB

PS The version of the 'Unquiet Grave' that I quoted from was from Lucy White of Hambridge, Somerset (coll. Cecil Sharp, 1904). Lucy and Cecil may have left us long ago but didn't they leave us a wondeful legacy - God bless them both, wherever they are!