James Purnell, said he was pleased that so many pubs had applied but admitted: "We will have to redouble our efforts when it comes to kebab shops, late night cafes and so on."

That should make an interesting letter. "We have decided to change the laws so that the licence you hold for the business you run is no longer valid. As you did not apply to have your kebab shop licence renewed - perhaps because almost all the press releases concentrated on alcohol and 24 hour drinking you failed to realise it affected you - you now have no automatic right for your business to continue after November this year. However, if you fill in all the paperwork properly we might let you continue if no-one objects too much.

Yours sincerely,
Your caring Government."