The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #83915   Message #1545293
Posted By: beardedbruce
18-Aug-05 - 08:36 PM
Thread Name: The Wiser Maid (please critique!)
Subject: RE: THE WISER MAID (please critique!)
""O, you are not the first to ask, neither the first refused;
For seven years have lords and poets sought me as their Muse.
But I am not at liberty to walk with any man
Until my true-love John returns from his long ship's command."

I love this verse- but the end is a little weak- "long ship's command"?

"Until my true-love Johnny steps upon this windswept sand."