The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #83915   Message #1545360
Posted By: Shanghaiceltic
18-Aug-05 - 09:43 PM
Thread Name: The Wiser Maid (please critique!)
Subject: RE: THE WISER MAID (please critique!)
I aint no poet but maybe try;

have put off all suitors gay, all lords and men of might,
And spend my days upon the shore, his homeward ship to sight

But I am not at liberty to walk with any man
Until my true-love John returns from his ship's command.

Just drop the 'long'

Might even try;

Until my true-love John is freed from his captain's command.

Whatever it is a good song with a nice twist in the tail. Would love to hear it being sung.