The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #83915   Message #1545413
Posted By: harpmolly
18-Aug-05 - 10:37 PM
Thread Name: The Wiser Maid (please critique!)
Subject: RE: THE WISER MAID (please critique!)
Ooooooooooohhhh!! :)

I really, really like that a lot. "from his captain's command." Yay! Thanks shanghaiceltic...

Still musing over the "ship to sight" line. I like "his homeward" ship but it still seems a bit awkward. And "his coming ship" is kind of weird too. Maybe I should just abandon the whole ship sighting thing. It's pretty obvious why she spends her days on the shore, anyway. (Hehe...I must have a beach obsession. My other favorite song is "Maid On The Shore", where the young girl spends her time wandering along the beach preying on poor defenseless pirates who only wanted to take her aboard and, er, listen to her singing! Really! (Another great feminist karma folksong *grin*).

Anyway...maybe I could play on the later line "your hope a dying flame" and say something about light? Hmmm...

Thanks again for feedback everyone!