The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #83915   Message #1545450
Posted By: Amos
19-Aug-05 - 12:41 AM
Thread Name: The Wiser Maid (please critique!)
Subject: RE: THE WISER MAID (please critique!)
have put off all suitors gay, all lords and men of might,
And spend my days upon the shore, his returning ship to sight.

"I have put off a hundred men, though fortunes they had earned
To spend my days upon the shore to see his ship return"

This would also eliminate the tired phrase :suitors gay". It could be stronger, I am sure; but the point is there are lots of ways to look for a sail that don't have to end in the awkward "ship to sight".