From the National Library of Australia (see link above):

NOBODY KNOWS WHERE THE OLD MAN GOES
(Words, Thomas J. Gray. Music, W. Raymond Walker. 1912.)

1. Sh! Sh! I'm working on a mystery.
Send out for Sherlock Holmes.
Sh! Sh! For all our fam'ly history
Is spoken in low tones.
The neighbors are all wise to it. They're talking on the sly.
You see them nudge each other when our family passes by.
My old man is to blame for it, for what do you suppose?
He goes out ev'ry ev'ning and we don't know where he goes.
Sister Sue, brother Lou,
Are working on the myst'ry but they haven't got a clue.

CHORUS: Nobody knows where the old man goes,
But he takes his dancing shoes.
He says to exercise but we know it's not.
He goes someplace to do the "Turkey Trot."
He glides all around,
Jumping up and down.
He's always jumping on his toes.
Now I think that he's in love,
For he's full of "Bunny Hugs"
Nobody knows where the old man goes.

2. Oh! Oh! Now things are getting terrible.
He bought a high silk lid.
Oh! Oh! Ma says that it's unbearable.
He called her big fat kid.
He shaves himself now twice a day. He's wearing sporty ties.
My sister says he uses her dark pencil on his eyes.
Why ev'ry night the fam'ly cries, but he don't heed our tears.
He simply dolls himself up cute and slyly disappears.
Down the stoop he will scoot
And run around the corner like a man "looping the loop."