The moral is - If you can't stand the heat - get out of the kitchen.

Time to dig this one up.

Dear Professor Hawking

Or may I call you Stephen? I understand from your publisher's lawyers that you are unhappy with a recent action taken by this library?

I refer to the combination of your book - A Brief History Of Time -with Professor Einstein's Theory of Relativity and Dr Wolfgang von Pedant's two definitive works on the Aardvark - Digging The Dirt and The Truth About Termite Mounds.

I think that I know our readers needs better than you and I think that this combination of the three volumes into one it makes sense and will enable our readers to find what they are looking for much more easily. This is my only motive in this as I have decided that the library's priority consideration must be to its indexing. I am sorry that you may not be in agreement - but "learn to live with it".

The choice of title for this combined work was one suggested by one of the library's best behaved readers. *"QUIT FUCKING WITH THE AARDVARK' is a title which I think will best enable our readers to find the information they require.

Yours truly

The Chief of the Mudcat Editing Team.

* I cannot claim credit for this title - see if you can guess which poster came up with this gem.