TEN GLOBAL TASKS FOR THE NEW MILLENIUM

1. Get a piece of luminous tape to put on the house key which currently looks like other keys, so I don't have to fumble for the keys all the time. Planning to do this since 12/12/97.

2. Assess total numbers of black socks and brown socks separately and divide each category by two, using result to determine whether I need new black socks or brown socks. Planning to do this since 5/6/99.

3. Write name of object on sales slip of product being written off for tax purposes. Planning to do this since 4/13/98.

4. Use 3 hole punch to do something about the sheet music around the house. Consider, now having punched holes in sheet music, purchasing binders (before 2004, if possible). Planning to do this since 1/1/98.

5. Bring own water bottle into movies, also smuggle in snack, thus forestalling surrounding of theatre by bankruptcy police following conclusion of film. Planning to do this since movies went over $5.00.

6. Throw out all old battered file folders saved for reuse. Buy new ones. Think of it as mad passionate, what the hell, out of control fling kind of thing. Unplanned. Go for it.

7. Take CD out of case. Play CD. Put CD back in case. Put CD back in case. Hey, you -- put the CD back in the damn case!

8. When using scotch tape, remember to fold the end over so that when next used, circle of flat tape hell is avoided. Planned since 3/5/59.

9. When actor friend invites you to opening night, do not go, or if going, make sure that you have airtight reason -- hijacking, prison riot, flight to Nobel symposium -- for not staying after to discuss wonderful evening. Planned since first night of "Lesbians on Omaha Beach" (forget date exactly, not June 6).

10. Post list somewhere you will read it. Hmm. Buy tacks and also additional cork board. Planned since 12/28/99.

(p.t.)