Dear Mr Longshanks,
Thank you for the hammering you gave me.
I shall now renounce my Scottishness and be forever English:
I will forego the kilt and never let a chanter pass between my lips again:
I will swear allegiance to Queen Elizabeth the 2nd of England:
I will castigate William Wallace as a brigand and always refer to him as Mel Gibson:
Likewise that other Australian ingrate Ned Jagger who also did not appreciate the niceties of English law and order:
I will wrap myself in the Union Jack with 'England' emblazoned across it and say along with Admiral Lord Nelson 'England expects .. all Scottish, Welsh and Irish mugs to fight for her':
And when the papers come hurtling hot from the press with headlines proclaiming world disaster, I will instead turn to the sports' page to see how England is faring at cricket, before scuttling up to the Palace for my Knighthood or some other gong.
Respectfully,