I was gonna send the care package to Shane by way of Officer Dana, who will not let me call her "Jen", or "Jennifer" neither. She is one hard-nosed bitch, even if she is good-lookin'! Well, I got a real big shock when she told me that there ain't no cigarettes allowed where they have took Shane!!!

"No cigarettes!" I yelled. "He'll flippin' DIE!"

"No, he won't. He'll get healthy for a change," she says. "No alcohol, no cigarettes, no dope, up every morning at 6 AM, exercise outside 3 times a day, long power walks, and all the food and fresh water a man needs. In a month you won't recognize him."

Flippin' right. In a month he will be dead. Hell, in a week.

I am gonna start makin' the funeral arrangements right now. It's gonna be a sad flippin' day in Blind River.

- Don the Man (in a deep flippin' state of shock and sadness)

p.s. She laughed when I tried to give her the Penthouse magazine to take for Shane. That woman has no flippin' mercy. She did take the toilet paper, though...to be nice, I guess, coz she says they already got all they need there.