Dear emily,

I'm so sad to hear what your friend and yourself are going through. I've thought about this since I saw your message, trying to come up with the 'perfect' answer. But, there is none. The best thing that can be said at this point is that she is still 'talking' about suicide. When/if she suddenly stops talking about it, that is when you should really worry and not leave her alone, if at all possible. As long as she's still 'talking' about it, she's still open to input from you and other people she's sharing these thoughts with.

First thing I would advise you to do is to call the suicide prevention number (if you have one) in your telephone directory. If one is not listed, call the operator and ask for the nearest one near you. Talk to the folks there, explain the situation with your friend, and ask them what they would suggest.

If you do not have access to a suicide prevention line, then I would call the psychologists/psychiatrists that are listed in the yellow pages. Tell them you are trying to find some way to help your friend -- I'm sure that they will be able to steer you in the right direction.

If you have a personal physician, call him or her and ask them if they can refer you to someone or some place that can help you.

Lastly, and I speak from personal experience here, you may have to try some 'tough love' with your friend. I have lost two people that I loved very much through suicide. I not only felt sad and bewildered; I also felt very, very, angry. And I am still angry with them. The grief that I had to experience did not come by accident or natural causes, it came from their own actions, and to this day, it still pisses me off. I don't know how many times I wish I could sit the two of them down in front of me and let them know how pissed off I really am -- and how many times I wish I had had the opportunity to tell them how their actions would make me feel before they did what they did.

If you've been a sympathetic ear for your friend, listening to her talk about suicide and the different ways she could off herself, perhaps it's time she listened to you for a change. Tell her how you would feel -- not only about yourself, but also about her -- if she carried out her plans. It just might be a light at the end of the tunnel for her and a reason to keep on trying and to get some help in doing so.

Remember, dear emily, you can only do so much. If your friend still refuses to seek help and accomplishes her sorrowful task, it is not your fault. Love her and try to help her, but also realize that in the end, the choice to live or die rests in the hands of each individual.

-- Áine