I always thought I could identify the area of America someone came from within 100 sq miles by the way they said one word: "PIE". Deep-southerners say "PAH". Folks from Kentucky get the "ee" sound right at the end: "PAH-ee." East coasters give it the full "POY". Great Lakes people are more nasal "PAA-ee".

So much for LEJ's linguistic theories. I'll stash that one away with my Psychology of Women Theory, which says you can determine everything you needed to know about a prospective partner by finding out which Beatle was her favorite.