SPORTING SUICIDE
Words: John Dengate                     Tune: Go To Sea No More

Zimbabwe humbled our cricket team and Queensland beat the Blues.
The Kiwis over from Auckland they have shaken the Kangaroos;
It's Mitterand twenty and Bob Hawke nil in the argument over the bombs
But I'll drive to the Gap and jump over, old chap, if we're beaten by the Poms.
Chorus: (a):
       The Poms, boys, the Poms; beaten by the Poms;
       I'll drive to the Gap and jump over, old chap, If we're beaten by the Poms.

We used to be kings of Wimbeldon and we won at Forest Hills.
We'd Waratah sides that could fling it out wide and astonish you with our skills.
I'll wager the mint that our women could sprint and blimey we could swim,
And when Elliot ran, there was no mortal man who could stay the mile with him.
Chorus: (b):
       With him, boys, with him; stay the mile with him
       When Elliot ran, there was no mortal man, could stay the mile with him.

How we've slipped from those lofty heights that we climbed to in the past:
It's bloody good fun when you're winning, my friend, but no fun finishing last;
And when re-cycled Rhodesians go and smack Australia's seat;
It's time to be frightened of Liechtenstein; they're a damned hard side to beat.

I dreamt we were beaten at Aussie Rules by a massive final score,
And it wasn't the mighty Munster men; it was just El Salvador;
I'm nervous the way our cricketers play and my apprehension shows:
I'm dreading the night that we fall to the might of the terrible Eskimos.
Final Chorus :
       The Poms, boys, the Poms; beaten by the Poms;
       Jump off the Gap or turn on the gas tap if we're beaten by the Poms.