What, no one has suggested "Dead Dog Scrumpy" also known as "Dead Dog Cider"?
It was originally composed by Trevor Crozier, with a chorus added later by Charlie Ipcar:

Now, here's to Dead Dog Cid-er, the best there is by far;
Here's to Dead Dog Cid-er, no moaning at the bar;
You can search this wide world over, find many a beer or ale;
But, when you've tried Dead Dog Cid-er – your search will be cur-tailed!

Cheerily,
Charley Noble