The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #59418   Message #1571424
Posted By: Rapparee
27-Sep-05 - 09:01 AM
Thread Name: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
Well, it finally happened. The Hog Fat Kid and Jimmy-the-Speed finally got into it over the affections of Zircon Lil. Both of them had had a root beer or something at the Legion Hovel and JtS started bawling in his cup that Zircon Lil had thrown him over for Saddlebags, a newcomer who "can't ride nothin' that ain't got a pole up through its back." The Kid took umbrage at that, seeing as how he's a friend of Saddlebags, at least until Saddlebags pays him back, and said that Jimmy couldn't hold the affections of a mongrel pup anyway, so what was the point?

Jimmy-the-Speed got all upset at that, mostly beause it was true, and said some things about mongrels and Hoggy and Hoggy's immediate family that Hoggy didn't care for. One thing led to another and pretty soon The Kid was going "Neener neener" to Jimmy and Jimmy up and threw the contents of his flagon into Hoggy's face.

Hoggy started to weep, copiously and loudly, decrying the waste of good liquor (or at least liquor). Jimmy, shocked by this display of lacritude by his good friend, fell into Hog Fat's arms and started to weep with him. At this point, Hog Fat sucker-punched Jimmy-the-Speed, which caused Jimmy and the world to review, in technicolor, Jimmy's last meal, which splashed all over Hoggy's brand new Tony Lama boots.

Jimmy looked up into Hog Fat's rubicund and furious face just at Hoggy threw a punch at Jimmy's roseate nose.

It was at this point that Jimmy moved faster than he ever did before -- he dodged, and Hoggy's massive, flabby, fist connected with the nose of the cop who had moved directly behind Jimmy with the intent of taking both of them in.

Two other cops, who had been coming up for backup, took out after Jimmy and Hoggy, who had suddenly achieved complete sobriety and were beating feet down past the Legion Hovel. Up on the balcony of the Hovel, Wilted Rose screamed at Zircon Lil, who was down in the backyard, "Cheese it! The cops!" and Zircon, who thought that the cops were raiding the Hovel on an off-night so as to increase the City's revenue, started to toss her potted pot over the fence.

Just as she tossed the largest specimen over, it happened that one of the cops who were chasing Hoggy and Jimmy had arrived at a spot where, if it were not for his head, the plant would have impacted the ground.

Anyway, after the dust settled, the EMTs left the scene, The Hog Fat Kid and Jimmy-the-Speed were slammed into the Black Maria, the DEA boys had taken away Zircon Lil and her garden, and the Hovel was once again under judicial lock and key, the lessons of the evening became apparent.

Apart from "Don't hit a cop on the head when you toss a marijuana plant over a fence" nobody's quite certain what they are, but we're all sure that they're there if we examine the situation enough, assuming that we want to do so.