I have been shy most of my life. I know the feeling. It sucks. A 'catter--two actually--had asked me why I didn't go this year. Truthful answer? I just didn't think I'd be welcome. I feel no sense of angst about it or anything like that. I still very much like many, many people who post to the Mudcat. But the Getaway is a world I will likely never visit. You are not alone; there are others who understand. Keep well.