Out here in The West (an' that includes Alberta, home of the current world's champeen), there's a contest held that don't get a lot of media attention. I'm referin' to, of course, is boudin suckin'.

Whatchado is real simple. Ya kill an' gut a bufferlo, what you flatlanders call a bison. Ya butcher it up good, and ya take the boudins out and kinda sponge off the outsides. Then ya take a buncha plastic wrap, an' ya use the good stuff cuz otherwise it can get a bit messy, and ya wrap up them boudins and take 'em on down to the contestants.

These fellers sit on the ground facin' each other. Ya drop the pack of boudins between 'em, and then ya hand each of 'em a jug of firewater. The good stuff, the kind made with new whiskey, river water, terbacker juice, blackstrap, red pepper an' stricknine powder.

Each one takes a big ol' drink and then picks up their end of the boudins an' when the bushway shoots off his pistol they start in sucking them boudins down. Ain't no chewin' allowed, but you can pull them ol' boudins back up if ya want. That's good show bizness, cuz it makes the other guy think ya got all the time in the world. An' besides, it's good practice.

So, when them fellers are prit near lockin' lips, the bushway whips out his Green River and slices the boudins in two, generally missing lips and noses, but not always. Then them suckers pull out the boudins and whoever sucked down the longest part wins. The prize is usually a new rifle gun, er maybe the hump meat of the buff, er a keg of firewater. Nowdays, the winner gits a plague fer his wall that reads "I'm a real sucker -- I got guts!"

The current champeen is a guitar pickin' fireman teacher from Hinton, Alberta. Feller sucked it right up in the best possible style.

An' you ain't gonna see this sport on no ESPN, neither.