OPRAH MORE POPULAR THAN GOODBAR!!!

(snicker)

MARTIN GIBSON APOLOGIZES TO E-V-E-R-Y-B-O-D-Y!!! PROMISES TO BE NICE FROM NOW ON

ALL STRIDENT, ANGRY SPECIAL INTEREST GROUPS DISBAND! - DECIDE TO BECOME LIKE JESUS AND LOOK IN THEIR OWN EYE FIRST (FOR THE BEAM)!

PAT ROBERTSON CONVERTS TO ISLAM!

CHINA INVADES MARS! - BAD TRANSLATION OF RAND McNALLY MAP of PACIFIC NORTHWEST APPARENTLY TO BLAME FOR SNAFU

You know, I think we all ought seriously to think of applying for jobs at the Weekly World News. I wonder how Osama's goat and BatBoy are doing?