(sung with guitar accompaniment and a cowboy twang)

"There is ah thread they caall the MOAB,
A beast so great an' pale,
It mite be relayted tuh Moby Dick,
Cause it shore is a whale!

Ah've been in bars where whiskey flowed,
An' men sang 'Eskimo Nell',
And rough saloons and frontier dives,
But MOAB looks wuss than hell.

Ah've heard of threads upon mah coat,
Ah've picked them frum mah shoe,
Ah've follered the 'conversayshun's thread',
But now Ah think Ah'm through...

Oh mawthers, tell yore children,
To stay away frum there!
It wuz that thread that did me in,
An' gave me snow-white hair..."