A lot of past items in life come to mind. I lived for two years in a primarilly black dorm at school. Learned a lot, mainly that black folk are like any other folk. Later on I lived in an international house where the lesson was expanded to most of the world. I think that context counts for a lot, context for me including the other people present as well as what's being talked about and conventional usage in that group. I also believe in enough honesty and courage to go up and tell someone when you've been offended, and why. Otherwise, they may not know, which in my experience is the majority of cases. As an old Chicano acquaintance put it, "if they're smiling when they say it, I smile, too. If they're not smiling when they say it, my hands may come out of my pockets."