Okay, Brucie, here's how Global Warming is responsible for three-minute eggs that take five minutes:

Michaelr says he lives at sea-level. But, everyone says that, due to Global Warming, the level of the sea is rising. That ol' sea-level ain't what it useta be. That means michaelr doesn't live at sea-level anymore, but lives below sea-level. So, since michaelr's stove is underwater, it takes him two minutes longer to light it. Simple, huh?

And the proper spatula to use for immersing eggs is not a spatula at all, but a female spoon.