Please dont proofread this reply!!
I've just found this thread so I may be going over old ground.

Maybe I'm being pedantic but as this is the story of an English lad the spelling should perhaps be English? Or was Jack American by adoption?

"War Begins"
Para 2 "row homes" is that "new homes"? Not an English term.
Para 2&3 In England we have "neighbours"
Whats wrong with"alright". Looks alright to me.

Chulmleigh School was designed to serve the farm and village children of the several small communities in the area. The influx of evacuees, however, strained its walls to the bursting point. Now, with twice the students it was designed for, classes contained 45-50 pupils each with the woodshop, art room, and home economics room being pressed into service as makeshift classrooms. Confusion was a daily occurrence, especially when one of the specialized rooms had to be vacated for a regularly-scheduled class.
50 pupils each with a woodshop !
You need an extra comma, or full stop or maybe brackets to sort out the subordinate clauses. It took me a while to make sense of it.
Woodshop does not sound English "woodwork room" perhaps



it—perhaps                spaces before and after the – throughout, maybe?
grey-colored cookies                coloured in England, and in those days we would not have known what a cookie was, we ate cakes or biscuits.

5. For several years before she was married, Mum had =worked
5…… few ell-           few well-to-do
16. I then new                knew
20….. Boys were divided into tow basic groups        two
23. "Ow!' William screamed                                " not '
23. "Ow!' William screamed as he forgot me ands                and

SCRUMPIN' "                
3….the center of the house.                centre (in England)
5. "Yes," I replied. "I also fed the chickens and collected the eggs, I added               missing " after eggs
7….favorite                favourite (Eng)
23….as he came thro8guht
63….laboring                labouring (Eng)

JudyB is "the High Street" colloquial?         In England every town (in the south anyway) has a High Street where most of the shops are.
You "never heard of a metal last"                it's an upside down footshaped tool that you mend shoes on…..as in "a cobbler should stick to his last" i.e. keep to what you are good at.

28….to the cooks                to tell the cooks
29. "No more jankers," Sgt.   "Chin's"        extra space                
31...bowl full of Jell-O.                jelly (Eng)

JudyB let's be having you out of get - is this bed or a slang term?                 Could be "bed" or ".Out you get"
"lets be 'aving you!" is slang as in
Where do all the policemen live? Letsby Avenue. "GROAN"
22. "Good luck in your new assignment, and keep you nose clean - dismiss - should this be dismissed?!"        no its an order "Dismiss" said as two distinct syllables.
But it should be "keep your nose clean."

a month-and-a-half earlier,                I see no problem here

DAY TWO


21….drawers, cellulars, Sergeant."             cellular
28…. I know I only got three pains                pairs
32….. "We'll just have to stand here until remember                until you remember
32….., won't we, "        unneeded space before"
40….(CP),                CB ??
46. "Private hart        Hart??

'JANKERS' (The Third Day)

42…opportunity to decide of that's                If
43…beside. Parker.                                Extra full stop
58…neighborhood.                Neighbourhood (Eng)

WHERE ARE POLICEMEN WHEN YOU NEED ONE?
11…b9ke for                bike
12. \                        ?
19…trade favors.        Favours (Eng)
32….threaten3ed
41….attempting to get way                away
BigPinkLad        on to the concrete        that looks OK to me, and I still think alright is alright.

I dont know how you got bold (Oh, sir Jasper!). Mine disappeared when I copied from Word to the reply box? Ah well.
Any more to come?