I suppose that I could start a thread, What Did I Do To My Ex? It would be equally valid. I don't think that any marriages fail solely on the basis of what one person did. If a failed marriage is perceived as being all the other person's fault, there's not much room for change or growth in the "aggrieved" person. I've tried to have compassion for the destructive things my ex-wife did to me, because I believe that she is crippled, deep inside and not wholely responsible for what she did. There was nothing I could do to change her. Perhaps the best thing I could do is file for divorce to break what was a mutually destructive relationship.

Now me... there's been a lot that I need to work on in my life and my failed marriage was a spotlight on my own weaknesses just as much as it was my ex-wife's. I was not emotionally mature enough for marriage, and it took years of commitment to change who I am before I was prepared for a truly loving, unselfish union. I look upon a divorce as a challenge to both parties to grow in love and compassion, and to look critically at what part each person played in destroying the promise of a life together. I don't think I could ever have known the beauty of my marriage to Ruth if I hadn't gone through the pain of a disastrous marriage. Sometimes it takes failure to force us to look critically at ourselves.

Jerry