Yes, there are a few concerned citizens out there like you, Peace, who have the wisdom to grasp the utter treachery and the monstrous evil that lurks in Schenectady, hiding behind a stupefying mask of vacuous ordinariness...bingo halls, Thanksgiving turkey, Santa Claus parades! Oh, they are so devious! It's time that those of us who are in the know formed a private army to stand up for America and show Schenectadyites (or whater the hell it is they call themselves) that they can't get away with this.

Like Paul Revere, I am sounding the alarm! ARise, ye fools! Schenectady is poised to strike!