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Stephen Lee

DARWIN AWARDS
> >
> >Yes, it's that magical time of the year when, once
> again, the Darwin >Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved
> among us. We honor their >attempts to help chlorinate the human gene pool,
> and we cannot believe that >new winners keep showing up, but they
> do. Here are
> the glorious winners.
> >
> >This years Blue Ribbon Darwin Award Winner:
> >
> >
> >1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at
> his intended victim >during a hold-up in Long Beach,California, would-be
> robber James Elliot did >something that can only inspire wonder. He peered
> down the barrel and tried >the trigger again. This time it worked.
> >
> >And now, the honorable mentions:
> >
> >2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger
> in a meat-cutting >machine and, after a little hopping around,
> submitted a claim to his >insurance company. Expecting negligence, the
> company sent out one of its >men to have a look for himself. He tried the
> machine and lost a finger. The >chef's claim was approved.
> >
> >3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a
> space for his car during >a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to
> find a woman had taken >the space. Understandably, he shot her.
> >
> >4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a
> Zimbabwean bus driver >found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed
> to be transporting from >Harareto Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit
> his incompetence, the >driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered
> everyone waiting there a free >ride. He then delivered the passengers to the
> mental hospital, telling the >staff that the patients were very excitable and
> prone to bizarre fantasies. >The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
> >
> >5. An American teenager was in the hospital
> recovering from serious head >wounds received from an oncoming
> train. When asked
> how he received the >injuries, the lad told police that he was simply
> trying to see how close he >could get his head to a moving train
> before he was
> hit.
> >
> >6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a
> $20 bill on the counter, >and asked for change. When the clerk opened the
> cash drawer, the man pulled >a gun and asked for all the cash in
> the register,
> which the clerk promptly >provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and
> fled, leaving the $20 >bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he
> got from the drawer was >$15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you
> money, is a crime >committed?)
> >
> >7. Evidently, an Arkansas guy wanted some beer
> pretty badly. He decided >that he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor
> store window, grab some >booze, and run. So, he lifted the cinderblock and
> heaved it over his head >at the window. The cinderblock bounced back and
> hit the would-be thief on >the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor
> store window was made of >Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
> >
> >8. As a female shopper exited a New York
> convenience store, a man grabbed >her purse and ran. The clerk called 911
> immediately, and the woman was able >to give them a detailed
> description of the
> snatcher.   Within minutes, the >police apprehended the snatcher.
> They put him in
> the car and drove back to >the store. The thief was then taken out of the car
> and told to stand there >for a positive ID, to which he replied, "Yes,
> officer, that's her. That's >the lady I stole the purse from."
> >
> >9. TheAnn Arbor News crime column reported that a
> man walked into a Burger >King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a
> gun, and demanded cash. >The clerk turned him down because he said he
> couldn't open the cash >register without a food order. When the man ordered
> onion rings, the clerk >said they weren't available for breakfast.
> Frustrated, the man walked >away.
> >
> >10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a
> motor home parked on a >Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained
> for. Police arrived at >the scene to find a very sick man curled up in a
> fetal position, next to a >motor home near some spilled sewage. A police
> spokesman said that the man >admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged
> his siphon hose into the >motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of
> the vehicle declined to >press charges, saying that it was the best laugh
> he'd ever had.
> >
> >In the interest of bettering human kind please
> share these with your >friends and family unless, of course, one of these
> 10 individuals by chance >is a distant relative or long-lost friend. In that
> case, be glad they are >distant and hope they remain lost.
> >