My Mother who is almost 99 had two heart attacks after my wife and I visited here last summer. She had been living in her own apartment in a retirement complext that includes everything from free-standing duplexes to health care. She was put in health care, and was determined to recover enough to go back to her apartment. I don't know who put the Kabosh on it, but someone supervised her when she went back on a visit and concluded that she was not capable of living on her own any more, and wouldn't allow it. I really feel for you, nutty. I am a thousand miles away from home (there's a song in there) so my two older sisters have had to deal with the situation. In my case, we were blessed because my Mother is still as clear-minded as she was when she was a young woman and she realized that she couldn't do it safely. She's since moved into a room she likes in Assisted Living, feels safe and secure, loves the center she lives in and has regained more strength so that she doesn't feel so helpless.

We have been blessed because my Mom's mind is still clear. A man across the street had Alzheimers and became impossible to care for at home. He drove his wife to destraction, and she had a weak heart. A week after she finally put him into a nursing home for people with Alzheimers, with the ugliest, angriest accusations, she had a heart attack and died. There is no way to quantify suffering, or say that cancer is worse than Alzheimers, or any other of the major diseases. But, Alzheimers (not saying that's what your Mother has, nutty) or a hardening of the mind and refusal to cooperate is terrible. I have a close friend whose wife is showing all the signs of irrational behavior and is becoming near-impossilbe to take care of. It's tearing him apart, and my heart goes out to him as it does to you. The only real "solution" there seems to be is to get some outside, third-party who has the authority to make the decision you cannot.

Jerry