If the work needs doing, whoever has the energy or the time does it.
It is our work and we do it together, joyfully

Aw Jerry ..... *sniff sniff* .... does your wife know how lucky she is?    :-)   

And Ebbie, thanks for illustrating a very common and potentially destructive situation so well. Way to go taking that bro of yours in hand!

Once we were at his parents' house and I was suffering from a stomach flu and was obviously sick and feeling wretched. His father told him to take me home, and he said, "Oh, she's having fun."

Deda, were your ex and mine cut from the same mould or what? It seemed like there was nothing he enjoyed more than to see me angry or hurt or exhausted or worried. The worse I felt, the more he'd smile. And whenever I tried to talk about it, he'd clam right up, and sit there silently smirking at me.

Maybe he thought that being upset was a woman's natural state or something. OR maybe he just REALLY didn't have the emotional or mental maturity to empathize with anyone or to communicate openly and honestly.   Maybe I could have been more patient, more tolerant, more compassionate .... but I was only 23, and I did the best I could at the time.

And I suppose he was doing his best too, even though that left a lot to be desired from my perspective anyway.

I remember how much it used to hurt, and later just plain infuriate me when he'd walk in the door at night and I'd say "Hey, how was work?"   And he'd say "Okay. How was play?"

I learned just to quit asking after a while, because he loved saying that, no matter how harried and stressed and tired I was. Meanwhile, all day long I'd been looking after 2 babies and 1 toddler, babysitting other kids, teaching piano students, cooking and cleaning, studying/practicing for the exam that eventually earned me a degree in music when the kids were napping.

He didn't consider any of that "work" though --- "work" was only what you did for money, in his book anyway. IN fact, he didn't even consider my piano teaching "work", because I did it at home. According to him, that was all "play" too, even though my hourly wage was higher than his own, and covered at least half the household expenses.

It took me the longest time to even convince him not to sit right beside the piano and watch TV while I was teaching, turning it up louder and louder to drown out my student ....

Anyway, that's all ancient history now, praise be!   Thanks for listening,

daylia