PS, I'll write the press release myself. Here's an early draft.
~S~
=================================================
NRA Members to Receive No-Sex Penalty for Buck Day Apathy
County women are mad, and they say they're not taking it any more. Thighs were heard snapping shut from one area hill to the next as word spread that Real Women want their Real Hunters to "Get Real" with the yayhoos who arrive by the truckload to sample local tail of all sorts, and not just the whitetail sort.
"After years of butchering, storing, and cooking venison-- not to mention years of smelling Hoppy's #9 all over my living room-- this year I expect my husband to DO something about the hunters who trespass on our land each year on Buck Day," said Connie Cootiesniffer.
Her neighbor Emma agrees. "It's a county legal holiday, so my man's already at home from work on that day. No more sleeping in all snuggled warm and cozy with the wife-- at least not THIS wife," she said.
"I'm sick of digging the shells out of the outhouse wall," said another woman, whjo asked to remain anonymous. "Last year I had to dig one out of my husband's behind, but do you think he'd do anything about it?"
This reporter was impressed with the collective Pussy Power present, as the rally cry was raised in the church basement where the group secretly meets. "No More Nookie! No More Nookie!"