Geez, you could bring a bazooka in and it'd be safe. Things like that simply don't work for what they were intended for in here -- a bazooka might blow bubbles or squirt water, but it certainly wouldn't work like it was intended to. The very idea!

I'm going to use the sword for roasting weenies and toasting marshmallows for s'mores (with dark chocolate); that way you can relive your childhood camping experiences (chocolate covered clothes, sticky hands, upset tummies, fear of the one-armed lumberjack who slaughtered a whole family up on Spook Mountain and who still roams these woods...). So anyway, if someone would be kind enough to bring me another Polygamy Porter, I'll get this fire started.

(You'd think that they'd let me use the fireplace, but noooooooooo, they're all drinking and singing over there, so I'll just start the ol' campfire right here. These drapes will make a neat-o background to the flames, too.)