Depression and anxiety are medical illnesses--NOT weakness of character. All choices involve costs and benefits. Most of the medications prescribed for depression and anxiety have been around plenty long enough for serious or long term side effects to have been identified, and most are remarkably safe for most people. From your description of how you are feeling, it seems to me that the benefits of medical treatment probably far outway the health risks of the medications likelyt to be prescribed. Stop torturing yourself and those who love you. Go see your doctor and the medical treatment you deserve. You DO deserve to feel better and less anxious. Feel free to pm me if you need a more private ear.

Janie