Thank god the Tavern's open again, I was beginning to wonder what I was going to do this year. Anyone mind if I stay till Boxing Day.

Hmmm. Might be a rash decision, that duck seems to have regrown its sharp and pointy bits and it's pissed already! Is there still a squid in the jello? Do we have sufficient stocks of Owd Roger to last the night? Why do the incontinent ones always have to stand nearest the fire? Answers to these and many more questions are to be found inside the Christmas cracker next to your plate. Ah well, better make the best of a deteriorating situation - barsteward a pint of 6x please and one of those chewy looking bar snacks.

Retires to a quiet corner sips beer and ponders the meaning of life, the university and dried whelks.

A tinsel wrapped christmas spatula floats by and looks at the top of the tree in a knowing way.

December again sheesh.