>> Dear Red States:
>>
>> We're ticked off at the way you've treated California, and we've decided
>> we're leaving.
>> We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue
>> States
>> with us.
>>
>> In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington,
>> Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and the entire Northeast. We
>> believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to
>> the
>> people of the new country of New California.
>>
>> To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.
>> We get stem cell research and the best beaches.
>> We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.
>>
>> We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand.
>> We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
>> We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.
>>
>> We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You
>> get
>> Alabama.
>> We get two-thirds of the tax revenue; you get to make the red states pay
>> their fair share.
>>
>> Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian
>> Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single
>> moms.
>>
>> Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war,
>> and
>> we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once.
>> If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids
>> they're
>> apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they
>> don't
>> care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home.
>> We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, but
>> we're
>> not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.
>>
>> With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of
>> the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and
>> lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's
>> quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners), 90 percent
>> of
>> all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S.
>> low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy
>> and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Saint Mary's
>> College, Cal Tech and MIT.
>>
>> With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88
>> percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs),
>> 92
>> percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90
>> percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists,
>> virtually
>> 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University,
>> Clemson and the University of Georgia.
>>
>> We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.
>>
>> Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was
>> actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless
>> we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that
>> evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11
>> and 61 percent of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher
>> morals then we lefties.
>>
>> By the way, we're taking the good pot, too.
>> You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.
>>
>> Sincerely,
>> Author Unknown in New California
>>
>>
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