Here's a true story.

My ex-husband and a close girlfriend of mine "Marie" had a friend named "Bob" who I only knew slightly. Bob was a wonderful tenor saxophonist. It was pure beauty to hear him play. He also loved to compose music.

Bob also was Black and he was noticiably gay.

Bob was diagnosed with clinical depression. Marie was a graduate psychology student. Bob knew this. He was going through therapy to help him cope with his depression, and [but?] he often talked with Marie about it. In particular he would talk to her about the difficulties he had in his childhood, and the fact that he had a difficult time resolving his homosexuality with his Christian religious beliefs. Bob shared with Marie that he was constantly being put down and made fun of because of his homosexuality, and this was very difficult for him to bear.

During one period of time Bob repeatedly called Marie and told her he was going to kill himself. Each time Marie talked him out of it. However, one evening, in response to Bob telling her that he was going to kill himself, Marie said that she could not tell another person what to do with his life, and if his life was too difficult for him to bear, and if he had tried all he could to cope, than she couldn't tell him what to do with it. In essence, Marie told Bob that if he wanted to kill himself, than that was his choice.

That evening Bob killed himself.

Understandably, Marie was devastated. She blamed herself for what she had said, and it took a while before she got herself back together emotionally.

Why am I sharing this? I would like some comments on what a person should say to someone who says that he or she is going to kill him or herself.

From my second hand experience, it seems to me that one should never say "If this is what you want to do, go ahead".

Thank you.