During my 20s, I was a medic in the Canadian armed forces. Suicide is a problem among military people, who tend to be young and are often exposed to great stresses without much in the way of emotional support.

My dear old sergeant told me that anyone who talks about suicide must be taken absolutely seriously, and never given the idea that friends or superiors agree with suicidal ideas. One of the training cadre at the recruit school told me a horror story: an irritating recruit had been bothering her with whiny complaints of suicidal feelings, and the corporal finally lost her temper and said, "If you feel that bad, you had better go and hang yourself." Sure enough, the dratted girl did just that, with the belt of her corduroy dressing gown from a hook in the barrack shower room.

My best friend from high school committed suicide at 30, on perhaps her sixth or seventh attempt. I interrupted her penultimate effort by a sheer freak of chance, and thought my task complete when the ambulance arrived and whisked her away to the psych ward via the dialysis unit -- she was 'way beyond the stomach pump by then. She always used the same method, drug overdose, and the next time, about 18 months later, she perfected the timing and wound up dead.

At the funeral, her cousin told me that there was nothing anyone could have done; she had been at some level bound and determined to do it since she was about 12, the age at which she made her first attempt.

The difference between my friend and the recruit is that my friend never told anyone she was considering suicide. She never wrote letters, made phone calls, or engaged anyone with long whiny chats about her feelings. (Depressed people are not good company. Trust me on this.)

Those who tell you they are considering suicide are, indeed, considering suicide -- but have not made a firm decision to do it yet. They are trying out the idea, looking for confirmation or even permission. The last thing you want to do is give that permission.

As some of you know,