Spaw, don't you think that Kendall, Big Mick, Joe Offer, Sinsull, myself et al are merely little baby bloops in the world of real farting.
You sir, are the maestro.

I thought it was Le Petomaine - the magnificent French farter of stage, screen and wax disc of the 19th century - until I heard about an accident (similar to mine above) which almost ruined his career.

Apparently, after a lavish introduction by the M.C. he came on stage from the wings, dropped trou, and bent over to favor the audience with his famous rendition of La Marseillaise Flatulente, when, instead of the first notes of the melody, a gurgle and splash were heard followed by a semi-solid plop on the floor.

Abashed, Le Petomaine turned to the audience and said, "Pardonnez-moi! I was just clearing my throat!"

I know this would never happen to Maestro Spaw - my hero!!

Seamus