An Ozzie favourite for you -

"Christmas has been cancelled" by Paul Mortimer
(Tune: Lili Marlene)

Christmas has been cancelled,
Santa Claus is dead.
When the scandal broke
He put a bullet through his head.
Pinned to his chest they found a note
Admitting what - the papers wrote:
That he was on the payroll
Of Toltoys and K-tel.

It was bigger still than Lockheed
Worse than Watergate.
Kids throughout the world
Called for his head upon a plate
The myth was destroyed and in its wake,
Old Santy stood there a callous fake.
And evidence is mounting
That he was C.I.A.

The Church it tried to brand him
A charlatan and worse.
The Pope said 'Keep off Christmas, mate,
We used that number first,
As a time when all good Christians sing
Of Jesus Christ and cribs and things.
Of course it's only bulldust
To get the faithful in.'

Further allegations
Have made the papers wail,
That Santa's love for children
Was way beyond the pale,
He always liked to give out toys
To little girls and little boys.
It seems that he was harmless
But some don't understand.

Well we can still be jolly
And celebrate New Year,
And we'll be nice to other folks
More than once a year.
With no tinsel trees or plastic snow
Or jingle bells or yo ho ho's.
And no more f***ing reindeer
Or little drummer boys.

Repeat first verse.