12 ways of better living thru thermonukes:

12. SeaFair needs more noise and louder explosions. Those Blue Angels are real wusses. Get a couple of detonations and mushroom clouds going. That ought to stop traffic on I-90, the 520 bridge, I-5, and 405! And if the spectacle doesn't stop 'em, the electromagnetic pulse will!

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11. The University District Chamber of Commerce could purchase a couple of thermonuclear-powered leaf blowers to clear the annoying street youth from sidewalks and make the area more conducive to commerce.

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10. Why irradiate food when you can irradiate the land used to grow it? That'll protect our produce from micro-organisms. And imagine those awe- inspiring, glowing fields of microwave popcorn! "Kansas: Land of Majestic Sunsets."

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9. Dental hygiene.

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8. Use one to destroy the Kingdome. Save millions now! (Why wait for the Mariners to leave?)

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7. Impress chicks.

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6. Removes stains thousands of times faster than ordinary detergent. Gets clothes, buildings, and everything within miles of the epicenter whiter than white!

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5. Skateboarding with a difference.

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4. Provide energy so cheap and plentiful it won't even have to be mete-- whoops, never mind.

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3. Washington voters took vital weaponry last fall out of the hands of our state's bear and big cat hunters. It's time to give some meaningful weapons back.

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2. REAL clearcutting. No underbrush, no second growth.

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1. Seattle can't build those annoying little traffic circles in the middle of intersections fast enough. Miles-wide craters would do a much better job of slowing down traffic. And landscaping would be a cinch.