Happy New Year's Eve, Mom. I'll be alone tonight and at home, so I won't be getting all likkered up like you told me not to get. This is not because I don't want to, Mom, but because I never get invited anywhere (except to the Legion Hovel and the party THERE has been shut down by various wives and girlfriends, not to mention the Idaho State Police, BATF, the Bannock County Sheriff, the Pocatello Police Department, the FBI, the Health Department, and the Veneral Disease Registration Law). You remember that I was always the last chosen for games when I was in school, don't you Mom? I was even the last one chosen for one-on-one pickup basketball games, and that was embarassing. I mean, when you're playing "HORSE" with your brothers and you're the last one chosen? And you're doing the chosing? No, I'll probably just sit in the dark, cringing from another year.