Mrrzy, there may be long waiting lists for a Big Brother. Besides those who sign up for this may not have the skill level/understanding of your children's particular need/situation. Not to mention that your children might view your encouraging them to interact with a Big Brother as trying to replace their dad.

Please let me share something personal- my very best girl friend died of lung and brain cancer November 12, 2004. For 31 years my girlfriend was like a sister to me. We were actually closer than I was to my twin sister. My girlfriend had two children-a daughter and a son. These children are now young adults, but when they were 12 and 11 their father died of cancer. I saw how they coped with the loss of their father in different ways-I think in some ways due to their personalities. And I can see them copying with the loss of their mother in different ways too, again I think that to some degree this is because of their personalities and the different ways that they approach life.

Mrrzy, I think it is too simplistic to say that you should expect your children to be depressed, or that they will act out in anger. It's true that some children who lose a parent do. But there could be many different ways that this lost will play out-and all of them need not be bad for the short term or the long term. For example, I'm no psychologist, but I think that one reason why my girlfriend's daughter seems to be such a social person who always wants to be surrounded by friends is partly because of her Libra nature {pardon the astrological referent} but also because she lost someone close to her and wants/needs assurance that she will be surrounded by those who care about her. However, her {Virgo} brother is much more a loner, and is much quieter by nature. He was quite angry when his father died and his mother had many difficult years with him. However, he eventually "settled down"-thanks {I think} to a large extent because of his interest and skill in sports. After his mother was diagnosed with cancer, her son became very religious-which was a surprise to us all. Her non-religious daughter seems to have had a much more difficult time accepting her mother's death-but that may be because her daughter invites others to share her grief while her son goes it alone and works through emotions and other experiences on his own. My girlfriend's daughter has participated in two support grief support groups. The son has not gone to any grief session and absolutely doesn't want to do so. IMO, it is wholey consistent with the daughter's nature to share her grief this way. In the same token, to expect the son to publicly share his grief and discuss his loss of his mother and father with strangers {or even with as close a family "member"/friend as I am} would absolutely be going against his nature.

I'm "speaking" off the cuff here, and I hope that some of what I am saying clicks for you. If not, I hope it doesn't muddy up your thinking in this difficult time. You certainly don't need that right now.

Please feel free to PM me if you'd like to talk further about this.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and all of your family.

Azizi