I've had varied experiences with those religious door knockers, depending on my mood at the time. The funniest was quite a few years ago when my kids were still living at home. One Sunday morning I was woken by a knock on the door, which was very close to my son's bedroom. I had been bothered a few times in the previous weeks, and was cranky at being woken up, so I was in no mood....

I opened the door, looked at them, and before they had time to say a word, I said the first thing that came into my head "Oh no, not this shit again!", and shut the door. Later on, my son told me he had heard it all, and was rolling around with mirth "That's the best reply I've heard yet, mum!" he said.

Even further back, in the early days of my marriage, my husband at the time invited them in on one occasion and engaged them in a lengthy discussion about religion and invited them to try and convince him why he should not be an atheist. It seemed to amuse him at the time - he obviously had a lot of time to kill!

More recently I've told them I worship the Goddess, and start to tell them all about it (they don't know that Pagans don't proselytise). That is a good way to get rid of them fast. But usually I just tell them I'm not interested and shut the door, especially the mormons who seem to be more "in your face" than the Seventh Day Adventists, who are usually happy if you take their magazines.

Yesterday I had a strange experience with someone who turned out to be trying to change my phone company to Optus. I was sitting out the back, and John, who was inside, heard a knock on the front door. Apparently this guy didn't make his intentions very clear, and John assumed he was someone I had asked to come and service my cable TV. So he invited him in and led him through the house to the kitchen. I came inside and tried to figure out what this stranger in my house was babbling about. Finally I heard him mention Optus, and he asked me if I was happy with my phone company. "Very happy", I said. Then he asked me who I was with and I told him. He seemed to think that was very funny and asked me what rates I was paying. "None of your business" I said as I very smartly led him towards the front door. He was still standing on the front doorstep chortling "You're with **** and you're happy with THEM?" as I shut the door on him. I was not at all pleased that he had been invited into the house. As I said to John - "It's not safe to invite people in like that, unless you yourself are expecting them. If I was expecting someone, I'd tell you!" So I guess that won't happen again. It really gave me the creeps to find someone I didn't want suddenly inside my house! Worse than the phone callers - you can at least hang up on them.

Jenny