We don't have groundhogs in Floribama. We have armadillos. So, we have Armadillo Day instead of Groundhog Day.

Unlike groundhogs, armadillos don't hibernate, but they are primarilly nocturnal. Generally speaking, the only armadillos one sees during daylight hours are the dead ones on the sides of the road. If you see a live armadillo out and about in the daytime on Armadillo Day it means that you will be abducted by aliens from the planet Romilar at some point during the next year. Of course, the Romilarians are so good at performing post-abduction memory erasures that nobody who has ever undergone a Romilarian abduction has remembered a thing about it. So, it is absolutely impossible to determine whether or not the armadillo was right, all of which makes celebrating Armadillo Day just another lame-ass excuse to drink beer.