An ecumenical joke stolen from Barry Cryer:
On a train in Ireland, man comes down the aisle
"Is there a priest on the train, it's a desperate emergency?"
No response.
Comes back the other way. "Is there a vicar on the train then, it's really serious?"
No response.
Tries again. "Is there a rabbi on the train, we can't hang on much longer?"
No response. A man puts his hand up. "I'm a Methodist lay preacher, can I help?"
"No use to us, man, you won't have a corkscrew!"

Rts