The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #88533   Message #1663387
Posted By: Charley Noble
06-Feb-06 - 09:41 PM
Thread Name: Folklore: Execution by tying fish on head+bird
Subject: RE: Folklore: Execution by tying fish on head+bird
Another story my old mentor Dennis used to tell – I think this was a story he picked up while he was sailing from island to island in the South Pacific back in the 1930's – was about a pair of missionaries who were treking into New Guinea in search of heathen to convert. They had hired a guide, who really had no intention of leading them to the various tribes of headhunters that frequented the jungles but thought it would be safe enough to wander with them in circles for a week or so. Unfortunately there was another danger lurking in the treetops that he'd forgotten about, the dreadful and deadly Foo bird.

Sure enough as they were hacking their way through the jungle there was the sound of beating wings followed by a "PLOP!" as a huge pile of Foo shit landed on the guide's head. Well, he'd been told that it was certain death to remove it and explained that to the concerned missionaries who of course thought he was foolish to believe such apparent nonesense, and as the day wore on and the Foo shit began to ripen the guide began to wonder if the missionaries might be right, After all they were educated gentlemen of the world. So at the next stream he knelt down and washed the disgusting stuff off and almost immediately keeled over dead.

Well, the two missionaries were perplexed but said a prayer over his body and prudently decided to try to make their way back out of the jungle. However, they soon heard the thundering of great wings sweeping towards them again and "Plop!" one of the missionaries ended up with a big pile of evil smelling Foo shit on his head. Well, he had seen what had happened to the guide and although he wasn't entirely convinced that removing the Foo shit had killed him he was curiously reluctant to experiment. But after several hours the smell was so vile that when they came across another stream he knelt down to wash the Foo shit off and immediately keeled over dead.

The last missionary at this point was legging it through the jungle at top speed, but not as fast as the Foo bird can fly, and sure enough another one came swooping down and in spite of the fact that the missionary was dodging back and forth, which is not easy to do on a jungle path but he was trying, he too was nailed by another big pile of Foo shit. But this last missionary persevered. He didn't wipe the Foo shit off and somehow made his way back to civilization, bought passage on the first available ship home, and with the help of a large hat managed to lead a reasonably prosperous but lonely life as a stockbroker.

The moral to this story?
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If the Foo shits, wear it...

Charley Ignoble