"GENTLEFOLK OF ALL PERSUASIONS!!" booms the loudspeakers (for the Norteamericanos) and tannoys (for those from the Old Sod).

"Step right up to the Midway where you will see sights never before seen and which will never be seen again! See the Bearded Lady! See her shave right before your eyes!! See the tattoed banjo player! Yes, tattoed by with every single banjoist joke known to man or woman! Tattoed as a punishment by the savages of Lowereastside, from whence he escaped with his life hanging by a thread! See the fire sword swallower, the only woman in the world who swallows flaming swords! And over in the tent next to the Dragon, you'll find a true marvel of the Age: the last living Chicago Cub who played in a World Series! Come one, come all! For only twennty-five cents (of the country of your choice) you will see the marvels and wonders you have never dreamed of!"