I had three good ones after I read the first post, but this is hardly the time for joking. You must have been terribly hurt to carry your anger this long, even after moving on and getting a new life. I say this because you said your actions were hurting you but you can't seem to stop... that's a lot of hurt.

I think there is merit in Bobert's suggestions, even using Mudcat as therapy. There certainly are enough of us dumbasses around to answer most of your questions, I assume. Maybe you posted because you need more than "tricks"?

I can offer one small bit of wisdom. You said that you and your ex "still have things to sort out so there still has to be contact." If your lawyer or his lawyer or both lawyers are stirring the pot, recognize it and put a stop to it. I have seen this a couple of times. I once heard a lawyer say that he was scooping up an easy ten grand by winding up the client he was representing. Just remember one thing. When the judge bangs the gavel, you ain't gettin any more than the law allows, no matter what your lawyer says you deserve or what your lawyer says you should go for. The judge gets "paid" based on the amount of decisions that don't come back before him in the future.

Tricks? Well. Here is a trick I use for many things. In your case, open a file and make a list of your questions or comments for him. Number them. Then, try to answer them as you think he would. If and when you decide to change a question or comment, or it's "answer", do not modify or delete what you wrote. Rather, add to the list as in 1a, 1b, 1c... This will not only help you clarify things, it will be, hopefully, therapeutic.

Anyway, good luck with it.