Now look, Bill D, I have held off talking about it till now, but the real fact of life on this planet, the one fact that really matters, the one beside which all else pales into insignificance, is this:

In Tibet there is a holy dog. He is known as "L'i the Enlightened One". He dwells in a secret cave that the Chinese Army was never able to find. L'i is in charge of all humanity by means of a sort of mind-meld that he does with the human cerebral cortex. He is attempting to gradually wean us away from our destructive and materialistic nature and toward universal brotherhood. L'i manifests on many different worlds in different forms, but on this world he is in the form of a dog. L'i moves in mysterious ways. No one can comprehend the things he does, but without him all would fall into chaos. If humanity fails to be receptive enough to L'i's guidance in the next 7 years, then gigantic cataclysms will be unleashed that will eliminate 99.3 % of the human population. Sceptics such as yourself will be among the first to go. After that, if it happens, humanity will be given another chance to start from scratch in a world swept clean of high technology, corporate logos, an pizza. Total philistines like Clinton Hammond are not expected to survive the cataclysms, but if they do they will be put to work as beasts of burden (it's all they're really good for). One way or another L'i is going to see that the Plan is implemented successfully on this planet before the year 2013. So it's all or nothing. I know that you won't believe any of this, so tough shit. It's going to happen. Doesn't make any difference what you think about it. Your opinions are superfluous. I've paid close attention to everything you have said over the past few years on this forum, and I have to say it's a darned shame when I think of the time I wasted in so doing. I could have been learning how to juggle jelly beans instead! That would have been of some use in the times to come. Now call up Bobert, see if he can send you one of those Wes Ginny slide rules, and calculate your chances of survival when the shit hits the fan. They're not good.


(cackling madly as I oil the hinges on the escape pod...)